A few more attempts at headlines in the style of The Onion (I know I've made posts like this often lately, but it's a new mind exercise I'm trying out!)...
Newly single man shocked to discover putting dishes in the sink to soak is not the final step
Woman discovers her best thinking is done during slow internet connection pauses
To ease Middle East tensions, President Obama to personally knit Christmas sweaters for ISIS commanders
Study finds "adorable" most used word for those wishing to hide their real opinion
God to save money by awarding new call center contract to handle prayer requests to Philippine company
Newly single man shocked to discover putting dishes in the sink to soak is not the final step
Woman discovers her best thinking is done during slow internet connection pauses
To ease Middle East tensions, President Obama to personally knit Christmas sweaters for ISIS commanders
Study finds "adorable" most used word for those wishing to hide their real opinion
God to save money by awarding new call center contract to handle prayer requests to Philippine company
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