Yes, You Are a Sex Object—Just Like Everyone Else

From time-to-time the topic of sexual inequality and discrimination rises to the top of the pile of problems we need to address. But each time it happens, there seems to be a rush to the extremes, with the ensuing fight resulting in little more than increased hostility and misunderstanding that becomes the degraded starting point for the next time. It seems to me that the course most likely to bring positive results must start with a true acknowledgment of the actual situation being addressed, and we have never done that. It's long past time for that to change.

One core problem that gets this issue off on the wrong foot is the refusal to acknowledge the actual sexual attitudes that exist and the fact that they aren't universal for everyone and aren't in play 100 percent of the time. We also fail to acknowledge that what one group of people finds unacceptable when it comes to sexual attitudes and behaviors is not always a problem for others. There is a huge and complex sliding scale of sorts that exists in this area, and no point within it is null.

Perhaps the most common refrain that gets voiced in times of increased tension is the idea that being seen as a “sex object” is something to be corrected. It is insulting and degrading to be seen this way, the thinking goes, because it makes it okay to treat certain people as unworthy of respect otherwise. This is certainly true for some people in some situations, but the best way to address it is not to simply try and shut down the idea that people can be seen as an object of sexual desire. As anyone competent in the area of human behavior can attest, our individual sexuality is one of the few core elements that makes up a person's being. This component of one's self-identity is so foundational that to insist it be fundamentally altered or eliminated is like trying to convince someone to commit suicide.

Instead, what we should be doing is acknowledging that strong sexual attitudes and desires exist and that they are a large part of what makes us human, but with that awareness comes the responsibility to not let them be a detriment to others. If instead we try to assert that sexual desires are to be unconditionally attacked and vilified in an attempt to correct any problems, then we are likely to continue our record of colossal failures, just like sexual abstinence programs for teens. What does work is addressing this (or any) situation with open honesty about where we are and where we want to go. Otherwise, instead of embarking on a fruitful journey, we are engaging in a type of trench warfare that results in nothing but casualties.

So, the best place to start is to acknowledge that each of us is seen as a sexual object by others. Nothing we ever say or do is going to change that basic fact about humanity. What we can do, however, is realize that this reality doesn't mean we have to be single-minded when it comes to those seen as sexually attractive; there's no requirement we be myopic about it. The issue must be addressed based on awareness and mitigation, not elimination. The goal should be to never see anyone as only a sex object.