The Witty Written Word

I have just been re-introduced to the level of wit that I think we've lost when it comes to the written word after just finishing the first chapter of An Irreverent and Thoroughly Incomplete Social History of Almost Everything by Frank Muir. This book is a collection of quotes about some major categories of humanity's endeavors, including music, art, education and theater, but also includes commentary on the context of each quote, which is also very helpful.

The first chapter is on music, and although many of the quotes are simply observational tidbits that allow a glimpse of insight, many are harsh criticisms of either music in general, a piece of music in particular, or a musical style. Muir has picked scores of quotes that also showcase the cleverness with which insults and criticisms could be shared, a trait that I think has faded. Even the quotes that reveal a writer's ability to be completely out of touch show an attempt at sagacity. Here are a few:

[Isaac] Newton, hearing Handel play upon the harpsichord, could find nothing worthy to remark but the elasticity of his fingers. - Joseph Warton, 1797

She was a town-and-country soprano of the kind often used for augmenting grief at a funeral. - George Ade (1866-1944)

All singers have this fault: if asked to sing among friends they are never so inclined; if unasked, they never leave off. - Horace (65-8 BCE)

There are a few moments during her recital where one can relax and feel confident that she will make her goal, which is the end of the song. - Paul Hume, 1950

Duke of Sussex said that the execution of the Russian band was perfect, which I denied, as their hanging was omitted. - Joseph Jekyll, 1837

Classical music is the kind that we keep hoping will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard (1868-1930)

Going to the Opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it, and that a very severe one. - Hannah More (1745-1833)

FLUTE, n. A variously perforated hollow stick intended for the punishment of sin, the minister of retribution being commonly a young man with straw-colored eyes and lean hair. Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle, they burned Rome. - Oliver Herford (1863-1935)

Some new neighbors, that came a month or two ago, brought with them an accumulation of all the things to be guarded against in a London neighborhood, viz., a pianoforte, a lap-dog, and a parrot. - Jane Welsh Carlyle (1801-1866)

Wagner has beautiful moments but awful quarter hours. - Gioacchino Antonio Rossini (1792-1868)

Dogma, Patriotism Not Ideal

There is no substantial difference between patriotism and dogma. Improvements achieved through the revealing power of dissent is a denied option for each, meaning the denial of evidence for adaptation and change brought forth by new circumstances and better information will result in an eventual collapse. We can do better than to let past decisions based on old information and utterly different circumstances rule our present--or our future.

The Dream

I would love to find a social movement that only attracts assholes accidentally.

SCOTUS: Cheerleaders For Irrationality

The U.S. Supreme Court is supposed to be a chaperone of sorts, one that stops overly emotional and destruction actions by those acting out irrationally (and illegally). Today, however, the court makes up their cheerleading squad.

Credos Do Not Justify Failure

Most people seem to become one-trick ponies in whatever roles they play—bosses, teachers, therapists, parents, preachers, etc.—rarely, if ever, even considering doing something different from what they've done in the past. We all seem to drift toward the eventual development and adoption of a set of inflexible guidelines for ourselves, often described with words like beliefs, rules or credo. But all people and experiences each of us encounter are always unique, requiring successful interactions with the world and with each other to be based on a drastically more flexible approach. We are not helping ourselves when we offer praise to someone who claims that they "at least stood up for what they believed in" when they have failed. That nonsense needs to stop.

Yes, Government Dependence is Necessary

It is a strange twist of thought that some people deride a "dependence on government" as an evil. Of course we depend on government; we would have no civilization without one. To think that a society (or an individual) can exist without depending on what a government provides, one must continually work to keep their thoughts outside of reality. The continued existence of the human race would be short and even more brutal if everyone were to try and live free from the large-scale cooperation and services we all require, ones that can only be produced by a government. Those who continue to yell that a maximum amount of separation between humans is ideal for the sake of the vague idea of free should be seen as a selfish child throwing a temper tantrum when told they need to share their toys--objects they had no part in creating.

Satire: Corporations Collecting Tithes

Okay, everyone else seems to be doing a satire piece on the Hobby Lobby case, so I guess I'll do one too...

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July 2, 2014 (Oklahoma City) - Employees of the Hobby Lobby retain chain will soon have 10 percent of their paychecks withheld for the payment of tithes, a spokesperson for the family that owns the chain said today.

Announcing that the Supreme Court ruling in the Hobby Lobby birth control case is "God's clear sign" that they should step up enforcement of more Biblical mandates, it was declared that the obligatory collection of tithes will play a roll in "divine wrath" from being inflicted on the company or any of its employees now that God's message as been delivered.

"God would not have allowed this ruling to occur if He was against the enforcement of Biblical edicts by corporations," said Malachi Green, a member of the family that owns the craft store chain. "It makes no sense to assume that God only wants us to enforce one of his ancient edits on our employees. This move will also prevent any future divine wrath against anyone getting an income from us."

The tithe collection will begin Aug. 3, 2014 and will be calculated on before-tax wages. "Nowhere in the Bible does it say that taxes should be exempt from the 10 percent tithe requirement," Green said.

The money will be distributed to "real" Christian churches determined by Green family members who will take applications from any church that can prove they "see women as second-class citizens, think Jesus is white and wrote the Constitution, have preached the truth that President Obama is a Muslim who needs to be impeached, regularly insult people living in poverty, have endorsed at least two conspiracy theories," and declare that "God wouldn't have allowed us to invent guns if we weren't supposed to use them in His name." Bonus points will be given for those who promote Fox News as the channel "Jesus uses to speak to America."

"This plan will ensure that our employees get right with God and their money doesn't end up going to 'pretend' Christians," Green declared.

When asked what their next God-directed move might be, Green gave a clue that it might involve women and virginity. "Read Deuteronomy 22," Green hinted.

Corporate Birth Motives Revealing

It's an overlooked point that corporations with the most adamant supporters for personhood overwhelmingly emerge from their birth into the human race as assholes.

Arrival of Surprise Dystopian Future

Every futuristic narrative written about machines becoming human-like is a dystopian horror story. It's turning out to be an accurate prediction, only with corporations instead of computers.

It's Not Safe On Either Side of the Box

For some people, the idea of thinking outside the box is a phobia, and thinking inside the box is seen as a gateway drug.

The Super-Valuable Zero

We have a numbering system that shows an increase from 10 to 100 by adding a zero, even though we're told that zero is nothing. Knowing this, the system causes many brains to get overloaded with WTFs when we're told 1 million requires exactly six of these nothings. It's no wonder so many math students think their teachers have taken way too seriously what they came up with when they were stoned.

Life Proves Nothing

The argument in favor of the existence of a creator deity because the universe is "fine-tuned for life" is flawed in a basic way that should not be easy to overlook. We can pick any item or substance or system that exists and say the universe is "fine-tuned" for it, meaning the claim is literally pointless. Anything that exists exists because the conditions in which it exists allows for it. This is about as far from a special condition that needs a deity as can be imagined. If someone wanted to claim the existence of an entity with supernatural powers, an example other than carbon-based creatures that came about where it was possible needs to be shown.

A Job Should Not Be One's Enemy

Any full-time job should be one that a person can hold for life and live off of it. The attitude held by many that some jobs should only pay a minuscule amount because they should only be seen as stepping stones to “better” jobs is nonsense. Not all people are suited for management jobs (or want them), for example, or other posts that require different skills or are in other ways not suitable. This should not mean that people not be allowed to live a comfortable life being anything from a flight attendant to a deli counter employee to a department store clerk. These jobs will always be needed and to insist that the people who hold (and want) these jobs are not worthy of a living wage is an insult to them and just plain wrong.

Silent Penis-Vagina Shame

It is certainly not a sign of humanity's overall mental health that we feel weird about saying "penis" and "vagina" even though each of us has one and most want regular access to more.

Satirical Bible Bedtime Story Hits Home

For those of us who experienced this as children, I wanted to share this from The Onion...

Bedtime Story From Fucking Bible Again

BEAVERTON, OR—Saying that he has to deal with this shit every single night, local 6-year-old Andrew Neel was exasperated to learn Thursday that the bedtime story his mother would be reading him was once again...

Because so many people are responding to this one on social media, I think it's struck a nerve.

"Nanny" Objectors Acting Like They Need One

It seems that the people who voice fears and complain about a "nanny state" would have more credibility if they didn't act like mean, rude and obnoxious children who haven't outgrown the need for a babysitter to stop them from hurting themselves and others.

Military, Inc.

The current attention being paid to the lack of services being delivered to veterans should be seen as another clear indicator that our military is nothing more than a business venture. Just like when an employee of a business no longer works there and the company no longer pays for benefits, the military is doing the same thing. The number of companies that still have pensions and health care for retirees is miniscule, a huge drop from the past--again, just like the military. The military is using an increasing number of sub-contractors, even for combat-related tasks, a move that also mirrors businesses structures. Finally, military action is now almost exclusively based on making large profits for a small group of people by executing "takeovers."

Ignoring the Obvious Nature of Interdependence

It seems to me that the fairly obvious fact of interdependence gets ignored when forming ideas and making decisions about how we organize societies. No human can thrive on their own, letting alone survive solo. This has been stated many ways by many people, but it still seems to carry little weight.

Let's consider all of the things individuals use that exist because of others. The most obvious include homes, cars, clothes, food, electricity, health care, schools, roads, every kind of household appliance, railroads, shoes, roads, along with all of the smaller included items of each, and more. Some of the less obvious include dental floss, toothpicks, computers, ink, batteries, light bulbs, traffic lights, soap, music, art, the post office, and more.

There is one other thing that should be looked at separately that's arguably more important than any of the others: information. We all learn about the world from the education we get from others--in both formal and informal settings. What we learn is almost exclusively learned from others, and we can hardly take advantage of anything else without the knowledge we accumulate.

Individualistic notions as the basis for a society cannot be fruitful because the foundation for such ideas are false; any results will be rubbish. As a test for someone who disagrees, place yourself in a non-inhabited area, naked, with no items created by others, including what you've learned from anyone else. Survival will be brief.

Each of us does next-to-nothing that contributes to our way of life. We get to take advantage of the features of societies because everyone else provides them for us. Those who convince themselves that they've "earned" on their own everything they have are ignoring the true nature of our shared existence. Valid conclusions stemming from individualism will never be realized. In order to successfully address and improve how we live, we can't ignore how the system of human existence works.

Quote: "Humans are social animals, perhaps with an innate biological drive for social interaction. We do not just live in society: we invent society in order to live." - Jim Baggott, A Beginner's Guide to Reality (Author's note: This is a quotation adapted from Maurice Godelier, The Mental and the Material, Verso, 1986.)

An Underused Way To Uncover Bogus Claims

I would like to see a conservative politician who insists that right-wing positions don't favor the wealthy asked what would change if they purposely set out to do so. Nothing, would be the correct answer, unless they wanted to declare that moving even further in the direction of their stated positions would be required.

I think this type of general question doesn't get pursued enough. When someone tries to claim that whatever they are advocating for does not line up with an opposing claim refuting it, ask how their position would be different if they set out to do what their opponents fear. If the answer is "nothing," then the position has been shown to be invalid--either incorrect or a lie.

Another example is contained within the first three verses of Revelation.

The revelation from Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John, who testifies to everything he saw—that is, the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ. Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near.

This book, written nearly 2,000 years ago, contains the claim right up front that the things described within will be happening "soon" because the "time is near." For those who don't skip over or ignore this verse, they somehow claim that it doesn't mean the predictions would happen at any particular time; "soon" and "near" can mean what they mean when otherwise used.  But, using the above questioning idea, if this passage had been written with the intent that "soon" and "near" were to be accepted as they are used everywhere else, how would it  have been written differently? The answer is that it would require no changes, meaning that the claim that it means something else is bogus. (This passage can only mean that time ran out on Christianity a long time ago.)

You Don't Have To Lie About Me, I'll Do It Myself

Politics has now progressed to the point where politicians not only lie about their opponents' positions, but also their own. And the members of the media, the group that's supposed to be playing the role of referee, have decided to go along for the ride, leaving the public to fend for itself while tumbling in a wave of increased mis-informed.