The Witty Written Word

I have just been re-introduced to the level of wit that I think we've lost when it comes to the written word after just finishing the first chapter of An Irreverent and Thoroughly Incomplete Social History of Almost Everything by Frank Muir. This book is a collection of quotes about some major categories of humanity's endeavors, including music, art, education and theater, but also includes commentary on the context of each quote, which is also very helpful.

The first chapter is on music, and although many of the quotes are simply observational tidbits that allow a glimpse of insight, many are harsh criticisms of either music in general, a piece of music in particular, or a musical style. Muir has picked scores of quotes that also showcase the cleverness with which insults and criticisms could be shared, a trait that I think has faded. Even the quotes that reveal a writer's ability to be completely out of touch show an attempt at sagacity. Here are a few:

[Isaac] Newton, hearing Handel play upon the harpsichord, could find nothing worthy to remark but the elasticity of his fingers. - Joseph Warton, 1797

She was a town-and-country soprano of the kind often used for augmenting grief at a funeral. - George Ade (1866-1944)

All singers have this fault: if asked to sing among friends they are never so inclined; if unasked, they never leave off. - Horace (65-8 BCE)

There are a few moments during her recital where one can relax and feel confident that she will make her goal, which is the end of the song. - Paul Hume, 1950

Duke of Sussex said that the execution of the Russian band was perfect, which I denied, as their hanging was omitted. - Joseph Jekyll, 1837

Classical music is the kind that we keep hoping will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard (1868-1930)

Going to the Opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it, and that a very severe one. - Hannah More (1745-1833)

FLUTE, n. A variously perforated hollow stick intended for the punishment of sin, the minister of retribution being commonly a young man with straw-colored eyes and lean hair. Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

Perhaps it was because Nero played the fiddle, they burned Rome. - Oliver Herford (1863-1935)

Some new neighbors, that came a month or two ago, brought with them an accumulation of all the things to be guarded against in a London neighborhood, viz., a pianoforte, a lap-dog, and a parrot. - Jane Welsh Carlyle (1801-1866)

Wagner has beautiful moments but awful quarter hours. - Gioacchino Antonio Rossini (1792-1868)